Have you been looking for answers lately?
I sure have. I have looked high and low, to the left and to the right. I’ve looked in the fridge, in the new IKEA catalogue, in a bottle of red wine, read horoscopes, self-help books, pestered my friends and cruised job and real-estate sites.
But guess what, I didn’t find the answers to my questions because they weren’t there to begin with!
This past year has been incredibly stressful for me. I’ve been working on building a company, a new team and new processes. That can be extraordinarily hectic but it is also rewarding of course, which is why I stuck with it and still am. In this world we live in we are constantly connected, on-the-go, online and stimulated and it’s so incredibly hard to tune-in to your own truth and guidance and really feel what is good for you and what is not. The price we pay is stress, demotivation, depression and poor health.
On top of this, I have been feeling torn between the love I feel for my family who lives far far away and the love I feel for my new country – Australia. When I tried to tune in, I tuned in to the love I held in my heart for my family and felt very strongly I wanted to be with them. On a practical level this meant resigning from an amazing career opportunity, selling my possessions and jumping on a one-way flight to start a new life there. This scared me more than anything. But was I just scared of the unknown or did I deep down not want that life for myself? I almost broke myself in to a million pieces thinking about it and got caught in a thought pattern spiralling downward while contemplating the pluses and minuses, the plan to go there, the plan to go back here and so on and so on.
It got to the point where I resigned from my job and bought a one-way ticket to my home country.
The decision terrified me, I woke up every morning and felt dread but I told myself you are just afraid of the unknown and I pushed those feelings down.
I saw a physiotherapist, a chiropractor, my doctor and a psychologist. My mouth was saying I want to move but my heart and body was saying I wanted to stay. I couldn’t believe it when it actually turned up in an x-ray. My pelvic was torqued, pulling me to one side, while my upper-body was pulling me in the other direction. There was a weight difference of 10 kilograms between the right and left side of my body. Talk about not being in balance!
One day, I was compelled to book an appointment with a coach. He asked me, Pernille what do you want to do and who do you want to be? I said; I want to be a coach, a teacher, a writer and a speaker. I want my own business one day and it seems attainable here in Australia.
He said, Pernille, do you love your family as much now as when you were living with them. I said I love them more. He said do you think they love you less than before you moved to Australia? I said NO, I don’t think we have ever felt this much love for each other.
After our conversation I sat in meditation and could feel the guilt that was nagging me.
How could I choose to live my life and make future plans for myself in a country so far from the people I loved. Did I not care about them enough?! I shed tears as guilt started to leave my body and my thoughts became clearer and free from desperation. I did not have to feel guilty. I have not been asked to go home, I have not been called to help them in any way. They are strong individuals and we can continue to grow our bond even if we don’t live close to each other. There will be many moments shared and the love I have for them can help propel me to where I need to be professionally and financially, so that I can visit them more frequently and them me.
One of the other reasons I wanted to move closer to my family was that I some day want to have a family of my own. And as an expat, this seems especially daunting in a foreign country. Who are you going to call when you need a babysitter, will you EVER be able to buy a house? What about schools and day-care all you hear about is how expensive it is. All valid points, but where do they stem from? FEAR of course. I was future tripping! Living life in the future and judging that with fear. I’m going to stop that now. I do not know what the future holds, if I will have children in Australia, or where I will retire. My life is now.
Luckily, I have a very understanding family and they know the torment I have been feeling and they support me 100% in chasing my dreams even if they are unfolding on the other side of the world. So, I’m staying put for now. I have listened and I have found peace in this decision. To my family and my friends on both sides of the world I thank you from my heart for all the support you give me.
You may recognise this pattern of behaviour – when we are full of fear, we want to run away, change the furniture around, move house, change jobs etc. But I invite you to firstly look inside. What answers could be hiding in there? Maybe you don’t need a new job, a new apartment, a new couch or another drink? Maybe what you need is to sit down, calm down and listen to your soul sister. Only you know what is really hiding in there. Do yourself the favour and listen in.
What I believe:
- If you are too busy, stressed and scattered you will not hear the inner voice
- If you are coming from a place of fear you will not be able to get the right answer from your inner guide
- Once you start to tune-in to your inner voice things will start to happen around you and opportunities will fall in your lap.
I know how it feels when you’re not following your own truth. It hurts, nags and irritates. You’re not really happy and not really relaxed.
So, I am ready to teach and dive in to the realm of coaching, blogging, sharing, teaching and I will learn as I teach. I am a teacher – always have been, always will be.
What’s your inner guide telling you to do?